Sunday, 1 May 2011

Day 1

Will I have the strength to do this? What happens if I fail? I don't want to leave my loved ones behind! 
I can do this, I feel great already, all packed and ready to go...

These were the thoughts going around and around in my head last night as I retired to bed around midnight. When I make a decision to change something it always feels like I have a good and a bad angel sitting on my shoulder, one telling me one thing and vice versa!

Interestingly, my "last" cigarette was no big deal. I felt like I wanted a big band and lots of lights and fanfare about it being my last - but really - it wasn't necessary.  The fanfare and big band were in my head - the only place that it counts.

This morning when I awoke, I "extra" savoured the snuggle time with Pete - I was really going to miss him. I went down to wake up Zac and had some snuggle time with him too. I'm so proud of Zac, 7 1/2 years old and so brave. I know he's worried about me leaving, he even tried to put it on me last week and I said "hang on, I need your support, not a guilt trip!" and to his credit he flipped his attitude right around and has been fantastic since.  I have left 7 envelopes for Zac, a page with a special photo of him and I - a different one for every day, with a personal note to him, he's already opened the first one, and text me "excellent" when I asked what he thought of my letter!!

Pete and Zac buzzed around me this morning, I was focussed on finalising my suitcase - and then I realised they were on "butt duty" - cleaning up my car, the ashtry near my office at the front door, and the ashtray on our balcony - destroying any evidence that I smoked - AND removing any further temptation. Bless them!

Saying goodbye to "my boys" was really difficult, and for a moment I questioned myself again. But then with the words "I love you" and "go get em" I was off and the next chapter of my life is beginning. AND just as important a chapter of my life is now over.

My first stop was to have a healing/massage with my dear friend Boadie - she has the healing hands and works in a gorgeous little hut which is fitted out with a beautiful big massage table, candles and set in the most beautiful garden.  It was a magical start to the journey. 

A quick stop for some groceries and I was on the road again.  Funny, ordinarily I would have smoked, hmmmm let's say 8 cigarettes from leaving home to arriving at my destination.  I estimate by now, early evening, I would have smoked another 8-10 - is it possible I can feel the difference already?  I think I can.

I was welcomed to my getaway in the rolling hills of Kongwak, Vic - unloaded my car, set up "house" and boiled the kettle.  Mmmm, now would be time to have a cigarette - that thought went through my head quite a few times today.  I made a cup of peppermint tea and sat outside - in the exact spot I would normally smoke - and read the paper in the sun.  I've been chewing Extra chewing gum all day on and off and brushing my teeth - it feels so nice, all minty and sweet. But there is something missing - that taste, that feeling.,... Anyone who has smoked knows what I mean.  Ok, next option, go for a sleep - I climbed into the huge big bed overlooking the rolling hills (photos tomorrow) and slept for 2 hours!  That's un heard of for me, I hate afternoon sleeps - but I feel great, I passed the craving point, I feel better and I'm refreshed ready to see if Chrissie wins the logie!!!! GO CHRISSIE!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, this feels good, hard, but good. I am a quitter, I AM A QUITTER.... Jx


  1. You Go Girl, I know you can do it and yes, I know Exactly what you mean about that 'feeling'.

    If you are a coffee drinker, I know it is a trigger for a smoke but also remember that if you keep away from the caffeine you'll be having two sets of withdrawals and that can be hard on a person.

    Its something I went through.. as I wasn't smoking I just didn't feel like the caffeine drink and forgot about it til I was nearly down the shops to buy a packet of smokes! I'm glad I realised my mistake in time.

    I've been quit for just over a year now and am really happy to no longer be a 'Slave' to my cravings.

  2. Good morning lovely lady. You are a 'quitter achiever'? I send you courage for your heart and strength for your mind.

  3. Sending you another hug and reflecting on Autumn as the season of change and letting go - how perfect when you observe the beautiful coloured leaves falling the trees letting go so they can embrace change and future growth. xxoo


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