Sunday, 15 May 2011

Day 16 - wow - SIXTEEN

Oh my goodness, I have to pinch myself, day 16.  I just returned from doing the grocery shopping, and I said to Pete (my superman) "I spent $### and I bought NO cigarettes" - hahahaha NO CIGARETTES NO CIGARETTES - and just in case you didn't hear me

NO CIGARETTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So far I've saved approx $320 and NOT smoked 480 cigarettes

Wow, I feel really good.  I left off at Day 6 and I was itching to return home after my one week of self-imposed exile.  It was one of the hardest weeks of my life.  Physically and emotionally exhausting.

The drive home on the 7th May was sooo long, I was only 1 1/2 hours from home but it felt like forever. I arrived in the driveway to be greeted by my crazy "boys" with towels on their heads doing some crazy dance to welcome me home. I got cuddles and kisses - and then it was like - ok so you're home and let's just get on with it.  LOL, not exactly how I was feeling - I was so emotional and worked up and wanted to know everything. All my emotions were heightened and raw.  The "boys" had had a "normal" week, just without me. I'd had a very "abnormal" week, without them and making a major life change.  I can't express how much I missed them, no words for those feelings.

Pete and I spent some time catching up over a yummy coffee on our balcony - I kept thinking, I'm missing something, and the feeling of something "missing" continued on for over a week.  It has only just now (day 15 yesterday) started to dissipate.  The "boys" and I went for a big walk to our beach a good Km each way. We love that walk, and whilst I was walking I was reflecting on the difference (already!) that 6 days without cigarettes had made to my breathing.  At the risk of being labelled an "idiot!" (I know, I know), I am asthmatic, was diagnosed from an early age.  I have always had ventolin.  I have always known that smoking and asthma do NOT mix.  Moving right along, the GOOD NEWS is that I have only used my ventolin about 3 times in the past week. Incredible.

No More Ventolin!

It truly is an addiction, a habit that you easily build into your life and allow (without realising) to rule you. When it comes to addiction, intelligence & knowledge go out the window.

This past week has been incredibly difficult. My sleep pattern seems to be out of whack and I'm tired. I am unsettled and waking often. My emotions are up and down.

I have taken the approach that having a cigarette (from the day I stopped - 1st May) is NOT an option. So no matter how I have felt during these past 16 days, it has NOT been an option to have a cigarette. The only option has been to push through.  I have been "prickly" to say the least.  I have not felt like myself, I've had bouts of breaking down in tears, getting angry at things I'd normally just not say anything about (like the woman who tried to give me a small coffee when I always order a SUPER big one!!! silly woman, I order there every morning and she still doesn't remember - ok, so that is something I'd normally get annoyed about, but seriously I could have jumped over the counter and throttled her that morning!!LOL).  

One of the parents at school pick-up early last week enquired as to how I had gone "quitting", when I told him that I was quite "prickly" and I felt sorry for my "boys" he said "well, it's only fair that they have to experience some of the pain too!!" - ROFL, I thought this was hilarious - obviously "my boys" didn't think so!

I've had alot of stressful challenges this past week, my kids, an important project in my business just to name a few, and during this time, I've found myself automatically wanting to reach for a cigarette, or walk out onto my balcony to have "my" time - it's been so painful both physically and emotionally to deflect these feelings, but I have been pushing through them and I feel proud each time I have a win.

Have you seen that ad on tv where the guy is sitting at a boardroom table, and his colleague asks him if he wants to join him for a cigarette, and he says "no", and then this little itty bitty band strikes up a song and he starts dancing along - that's how I feel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yay for me.  Day 16 and moving forward to many more days, months, years to come.... I'll post weekly, I believe it's important to remain accountable not only to myself but to others.  Thanks for your support.

This is for me, AND for my beautiful family, love you guys xoxoxo

Me and "My Boys" xoxox

My "bonus" children - twins Nikki & Rhys (Happy 21st Birthday for today) xoxox

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